Posts Tagged ‘family’

Don’t Even Think About Not Dating Your Mate

Saturday, November 5th, 2011

This past August as I was celebrating my sister’s milestone birthday in New York City I came across the parking sign which read “Don’t even THINK of parking here ! “

That pretty much sums up the attitude of folks in the “Big Apple”.  In the past year I’ve met with some disappointed men and women who are committed to their marriages, but can’t think of ways to get their relationships humming along again.

Marriage stress that pervades farm stress is not fun. Continue reading Don’t Even Think About Not Dating Your Mate »

Avoid the Mistakes Farmers Typically Make

Friday, February 18th, 2011

I smile knowingly as I read the farmer’s checklist, he wants to “avoid the mistakes farmers typically make” in succession planning. I don’t pretend to have the exhaustive list, but in eight years of coaching I have seen many scenarios that you don’t want to repeat.

What mistakes?

Poor self care. Your body is not a machine yet you ignore the things your body is telling you. Headaches and gut pains may be a signal that you are not dealing with conflict well, you continue to avoid the crucial conversations the younger generation is begging you for.

Poor marriage care. You’ve noticed that your spouse is a bit more distant lately, yet you just shrug it off and go out to the shop. She’s been showing you some house designs and real estate deals in town, but you are not the least bit interested in talking or considering moving off the home place. You’ve been here 42 years, so why move now? The big mistake here is that you really have no respect for your spouse’s needs and changing goals. Continue reading Avoid the Mistakes Farmers Typically Make »

If I Had Known

Friday, January 7th, 2011

Many moms this September will carefully snap a photograph of their kids, backpack in hand, sporting new clothes for the first day of school. My friend Jan has a wonderful archival display in her kitchen of her children’s first day of school shots from grade one through to university. The first day of a new school year is a pretty big deal, but what about all those seemingly ordinary days on the farm or in town, that you wish you would have captured, if you had known your life would drastically change?

I am writing this in July on the way home from a professional speakers’ conference where I had to privilege to hear Chad Hymas’s story. Chad was crushed by a 2000-lb bail in an open tractor with faulty hydraulics that he had “just not gotten around to fixing.” He now impacts the lives of thousands sharing the reality of his life as a C-4 quadriplegic. Chad’s strong farm hands have withered to curled thin tools. He showed us the only picture from his archives, a single photo of his strong hands in a family shot that reminds him how quickly things can change.

At that same conference I received sad news that a wonderful, talented man who had worked alongside us for only a year, had just passed away from a second battle with cancer. This amazing cheerful fellow had landed at our farm to fulfill a dream of working with big farm equipment, and we welcomed his talent to envision, create and build things for the good on our operation. One of the first things I thought of was his family picture that graces the spot where he shared supper with us on a regular basis, and the 2009 harvest shots that are now priceless, as 2009 was his first and last harvest with us.

Why am I telling you these sad stories? Continue reading If I Had Known »

Make Time to Celebrate

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

“Should we go ? We’ve got so much work to do on this farm .”  “We got an invitation to the wedding, but I didn’t know I was expected at the bridal shower.” “Our daughter was always sorry her dad couldn’t leave the field for a day to attend her graduation.”

Celebrations abound in the summer. Graduations, weddings, anniversaries, family re-unions, campfires, baptisms and birthdays. The excuses for not attending may seem valid if the farm work is overwhelming, but 10 years from now will you regret not showing up ?

Dr. Nikki Gerrard’s 12 year study of farm families called “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” showed that rural folks who took time to celebrate and connect with community were far more resilient to the storms and bumps of life.

Strong families celebrate.

It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It’s the act of connecting with friends and family to share stories, laughter, and even struggles. Continue reading Make Time to Celebrate »

GREED vs FAIR FAMILY PRICE

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

“I am leaving the farm business. I can’t take the indecision anymore. I was hoping for a fair ‘family’ price for buying out my Dad, but he wants ‘fair market value’”.  A long pause on the phone line, I as the coach am letting the silence do the heavy lifting (Susan Scott’s term). This farmer has invested almost 3 decades with his family business and now he is cutting his losses and leaving.

Greed is defined as an “excessive desire, especially for wealth or food.”

You may have your own definition of greed, and I am very sure you know a family story about the ill outcomes of excessive desire to control a farm or demand too much money from the next generation.

I see greed rear its ugly face when families cry out for support as they watch the non-farm siblings come home to roost after the death of the bachelor uncle. They are looking for their share of the gold with no regard for the sweat equity or intended roll-over to the younger business partner.

Fear of not having enough money after 75 is another common scenario, especially if the one holding the assets has a ‘rags-to-riches’ story. Even J.K. Rowling, the billionaire writer of the Harry Potter series confessed to Oprah that she still worries sometimes about money!

Many farm folks wish they had a pot of gold or a fairy god-mother to bestow more cash flow into the farm business after the tough weather disaster they’ve faced this year. Continue reading GREED vs FAIR FAMILY PRICE »