Farm Family Coaching

Managing your Marriage in the Muck

Friday, December 17th, 2010

As I write this on September 3rd, we are stalled with a large harvest due to bothersome rains. Those of you with more muck than crop are saying “wish I even had a harvest.” And the farmer from Margo Saskatchewan with 12,000 unseeded acres is wondering how to get the land ready for next year! Not fun.

We’ve gone through this before in 1999 and 2005, but for some folks this year is the most extreme challenge. My concern is for the family foundation and resilience that holds things together even under enormous external stresses.

We can’t stop the rain or cause fields to dry up overnight. We can choose to find ways to cope, and hope.

This summer I’ve had conversations with farmers and ranchers looking for hope to keep up their passion of agriculture and re-ignite the passion of their marriages. I remind them that if their spouse is the most important part of their life, how are they putting that into action?

Farms under financial strain due to poor crops and looming debt payments can still succeed IF the folks involved pull together as a team and keep talking and listening to each other. Continue reading Managing your Marriage in the Muck »

What do you want and what does the next generation want?

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Making better choices for the farm doesn’t have to be complicated.

A young farmer sends a distress-filled email at 2 am.  He calls for help to try and figure out whether he should chuck his dream of farming and find another life.  His father has just demanded two-thirds crop share for new land the young farmer has rented.  His goal is to get ahead.  His father wants to be well paid for the use of Dad’s equipment.  Oh, and Uncle has a say in things as well.  Unfortunately, it is disclosed later in conversation that there are no written agreements to be found, none for the partnership of Dad and Uncle, nor for the use of the equipment by the striving-to-succeed son.

During my morning quiet time I reread the story of the prodigal son.  There is a phrase in the context of the young man wanting to return home to his father after he has “come to his senses.”

This morning we have spent hours rouging a barley field to remove oats and volunteer wheat in order for the field to pass inspection – which thankfully it did.  As I was pulling out the oats I was reflecting on the three farmers who declared yesterday that they did not have accountants, a lawyer or power of attorney in place.  I couldn’t believe the sadness of the farmer who said, “Elaine, I’m like a hillbilly farmer who didn’t use professionals for the farm transfer, and now I have no income.”

Come to your senses.  Some things we do out of habit need to be “unlearned”.

WHAT’S UNLEARNING?

Maybe you’ve had a lifetime habit of saying yes when you’d like to say no – that’s an Unlearning!  Or, you need to control less and delegate more – that’s an Unlearning!  Perhaps you eat when stressed and you want to stop – that’s an Unlearning!

As an aging bookkeeper you might want to find a decent accountant to help you with tax planning, and setting up a workable business plan for your farm transfer to the next generation.

You might also want to visit an FCC office or other ag lender of your choice to see if you have a viable operation, and what a fair appraisal value would be.  The younger generation could also get a lesson here as to the value of debt servicing based on their off-farm income and farm income, and their ability to be very frugal with lifestyle choices in order to manage more debt.  As far as lawyers go, many CAFA (Canadian Association of Farm Advisors www.cafanet.com) members could give you a decent referral to a lawyer who can help get some of those partnerships and operating agreements in place that the guy in the opening paragraph of this column could really use.

The path to making better choices for your farm business Continue reading What do you want and what does the next generation want? »

What do we owe our kids?

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

One of the toughest things to talk about is “how do we treat our children with our assets?” I’ve added some of my farm family coaching experiences to  Donna Hasting’s (former family living specialist ) tips:

1.In theory you don’t owe your children anything. You gave them life, education, love your values and your vision. It’s amazing what young adults will tell their parents about this when they are asked directly. I have heard the children say, “Dad and Mom, please enjoy yourself for once, enjoy what you’ve worked for all your life. I don’t expect any money from you now!” Continue reading What do we owe our kids? »

Saying Goodbye to the Home Farm

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Climbing a large rock pile and checking the chicken coop are two fond memories of my childhood playtimes in Grandma’s farm yard. Farm families have a hard time saying goodbye to the memories held with the “home place”. Letting brother take over the yard, or selling out evoke tears, and a deep sense of loss in some folks.

The loss is about the change of ownership and control that begs the question “where are my roots now? Where is my sense of place?” The sadness comes with a loss of connection to your family of origin and wondering if the new owners will respect your need to visit now and again.

In our farming culture, we have rituals like auctions sales, fall suppers, and fairs to mark certain seasons or events. I think it is time to create some traditions that work for families to mark transition and change in moving from the home place, with positive actions. I’ll call it talk, walk, and mark. Continue reading Saying Goodbye to the Home Farm »

How do we treat the girls?

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

“We all knew the farm would go to the boys. We were born in the ‘30’s and everyone expected Dad and Mom to roll it over to their sons. We were given educations, no land.”

“We wondered why my sister and I were not part of the family discussion about who would have the home place. It really hurt. Dad couldn’t understand why I was crying when we talked about it later.”

“The girls in our family all married well. I guess our parents felt we were well taken care of. My brothers got all the dairy quota and the farm. We girls got $10,000. I’m not sure my lawyer today would think that was fair!”

“Out here in dry land Saskatchewan we  wonder if we’re lucky we got cash and we are not stuck with the risk of the farm !” Continue reading How do we treat the girls? »