Do you have children in their 20s and 30s still depending on you for food and accommodation?
Here are tips for setting them free

Today is the deadline day for a farmer I know to have all the equipment ready for the field, the magic time of being totally ready to seed a bountiful crop. He will depend on help from his son, and another employee. On his farm everyone has a separate home, and a workable family living budget.

Spring is the time we are aware of what income taxes we need to pay. But are we aware of all the non-taxable benefits we enjoy on the farm? Dick Wittman has a planning template to figure out all the things we enjoy on the farm, but don’t account for. (Go to www.wittmanconsulting.com and hit the file downloads “Compensation Summary.” The list includes “free beef,” fuel for the pick-up’s personal use, and other benefits. The farm’s generosity covers many family living expenses. Compensation is sometimes a contentious issue.

Freeloading is a slang term with somewhat of a negative context. I wonder if you have challenged your single adult sons to account for all the benefits they have when they live with you after age 25, and how they depend on you for farm based generosity.

Some single farmers are not leaving the nest. They have it very good at mom’s house. She is still doing their laundry, feeding them, and mending jeans. Mom is looking for mobile homes, but son isn’t getting the hint.

According the age needs map of coaching, it is important for 20-something adults to leave home and become independent. This flight from the nest gives them a stronger self-esteem and sense of confidence as they learn to do life on their own terms, and with their own financial resources. Sons who don’t ever leave the family farm tend to be angry at age 35 when they feel like “they missed out, and are trapped with family, mortgages, and never-ending farm tasks.”

Farm kids who get to work for a boss other than dad come back to the home farm with a new appreciation for different management and work styles. They also learn good money sense when they have to stretch their own hard earned cash.

How do you ask a freeloader to leave?

“We love you son. We want you to live on your own. We hope that you will become more independent. We think this move will also make you more attractive for marriage. Women are attracted to strong, financially independent men.” Marriage is an important part of the farm human resource plan!

In Westlock, Alta., I had a 42-year-old farmer approach me after the session with these words: “Elaine, I forgot to get married!” He had focused all of his energy and time on building up his farm wealth bubble. Time had flown by, and now he realizes he did not pay any attention to his personal needs for relationship. A helpful spouse would be a great part of his human resource team for his operation. I don’t know if this particular farmer was freeloading at his folk’s home, but I suspect he wishes mom had encouraged him to date.

Freeloaders may also come in the form of young couples who are not pulling their weight on the farm team, or those writing large personal cheques from the farm account without adequate explanation. Money is what people fight about, and don’t always talk about. These freeloading issues need to be part of the agenda at your family business meeting.

If your style in coping with anger and frustration is to go and “shop ‘til you drop,” you need to deal with the negative sides of “retail therapy.” Using the farm credit card without authorization or wildly spending on things the farm budget can’t afford is another form of freeloading on the farm.

I hope I’ve hit a nerve here. Money issues are very often the root of much hurt, fear and frustration in farm families. I would hope you have a very clear idea of where your money goes for family living expenses, and where the farm account is benefiting you. Start keeping track of your personal living expenses. You’ll need this number to justify your income stream draw from the farm account. Lenders and financial planners want this information to be realistic and accurate, so start tracking now!

It’s time to address freeloading on your farm. Be hard on the problem, but soft on the person. Address the issue, and generate workable solutions.

Remember, it’s your farm, your family, your choice. Happy Seeding!
____________________________________________________________________________________
Elaine Froese, CAFA, CHICoach, has been keeping track of family living expenses for 28 years, and is thankful for computer programs to do this. Generosity is a great value. Think about the advantage of your farm status. Visit www.elainefroese.com or call 1-866-848-8311 for coaching appointments.

It happened in the foyer of our church this morning. My pastor asked me how my week had gone, and I quickly said, “It was tough to see a family choose to curse instead of bless. We all get to choose whether we bless or curse one another.” He nodded knowingly, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

It’s time to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, Lord and Saviour. Easter is about remembering the cursing Christ endured from the Pharisees and Jews in Pilate’s square, the lashings under the watch of the High Priest, and the taunting of the criminal on the cross next to Him. In all that cursing, Jesus choose to say to the Father, “Forgive them, they know not what they do.”

Read that line again. Insert your family member’s name. Forgive that person.

Every day we get to set a fabulous sunrise, stretch out our arms in praise and walk into a day of purpose. As farmers we are grounded in the seasons of life, the planting the raining, the growth, and ultimately the harvest. We see lots of life, and death as the cycles of growth surround us.

Some farm families are not growing. They are choking with negative energy, bitterness, and a lack a basic respect. They are choosing to judge each other, avoid talking through the tough issues, and drowning in self-pity and sadness.

Why? They don’t know the love of God firsthand. God loves us just the way we are, and when we accept the love of Jesus, we are gifted with eternal life because the stone was rolled away on Easter morning. Jesus conquered death. He rose again. Many people saw Him after the resurrection. True Christ followers model the love of God in word and deed. They reach out to comfort hurting people, and offer the good news of God’s unconditional love. God loves you deeply.

Why do you refuse the love of God and His complete forgiveness? Do you not know?

Have you really considered the power of His words in the scriptures? You have a choice to choose to love one another as Christ has loved you. We are free people, deeply loved.

Yes, we all make mistakes in causing hurt, but that doesn’t mean the remainder of your life is doomed to misery on your 40 acres. You can reach out and ask for forgiveness. You can pass the olive branch of forgiveness, let go of past hurt, and walk into a new day of resolved, restored relationships.

Your farm, your family, your choice is my essential message. We all want our farms to be profitable and growing well. We want to be happy in our family farm teams. We all get to choose the type of behaviours and attitudes that will spew forth from our lips and bodies.

Christ’s body hung on a cross as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. His death was the bridge to God’s acceptance of us as children of God. We just need to accept the reality of the resurrection and live it out on our farms as a deep blessing to love others.

I’ve seen a fair few farm kitchen tables these past few months. Some are circled with hope and optimism for a new exciting chapter for the farm family. Others are pounded with despair and a deep lack of respect for building relationship, with conscious choosing to curse rather than bless.
What new life will you embrace this Easter? Read the Beatitudes in Matthew chapter 5. Read the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, in the final chapters to get a full view of the life of Christ in his final week on earth.

I pray that you will consider ways this spring to bless your family and build up their emotional bank account. Too many farmers are in pain as their love tanks are very dry. As a believer who farms, I challenge you to encourage your neighbours with the good news of the gospel.

I am looking forward to the spring planting and the hope of a great harvest. I am also anticipating more time at my own kitchen table, loving the folks who matter the most, my own family.

Spring has come. Rejoice. The Lord has risen. He has risen indeed.
______________________________________________________________________
Elaine Froese coaches farm families to discover new possibilities for their business and family. She speaks to groups across Canada with practical insights and tools she has gleaned from over 30 years on the farm. Easter is her favourite celebration.