Life Long Learning in 2006

Our son who is graduating this June was jumping for joy when he discovered that he has the chance to be a custom combiner in Australia next fall. He wants to travel and use some of his farm skills to finance his adventures.

Last month I had the pleasure of speaking to the Association of Canadian Custom Harvesters who have a fabulous website at www.acchi.com. I met folks who are professionals who harvest a variety of crops on a contract basis for other farmers throughout the North American grain belt. Many of these farmers have their own fields in Canada , but travel to the tip of the states and work their way north with a well-tuned crew.

Are you 20 and looking for work? Are you 50 and wanting to use your farming expertise?

ACCHI offers a 7 week custom harvesting training course in Assiniboia, Saskatchewan.

They also have some out-of-province participants. Last year a fellow from New England joined the training crew, and this year a fellow from Ireland is likely coming!

Once you are certified, you are practically guaranteed a job on the crew of a custom harvester. You might like to know that your cost of living issues will be taken care of, and “you’ll be so busy you won’t have a chance to spend much of your hard earned cash” according to Grant Payant, a custom harvester who hires young adults for his crew. Payant says ” that the “oil patch” is competing for labour, but when you figure out your cash-flow, you are actually financially ahead to be working in the air-conditioned combine, not with the oil rigs.”

Many of the ACCHI members will pre-hire the folks who take the custom harvesting certification course. So if you have a 1A learners license, a medical certificate, can cross the Canadian/US border, and have a clean driving abstract…think about signing on.

You call 306-642-7218 to talk to Sheri-Lynn BeBeau as the course starts March 6, 2006 and runs for 7 weeks. If you are on Employment Insurance this winter you may be able to get funding for tuition, books, and a living allowance while attending the program. Check out www.acchi.com/certificate.htm.

Last November I presented my first webinar from my farm computer. Ninety-five folks from across Canada logged on their home computers to see the video and powerpoint presentation…learning at home! This concept used by the Canadian Farm Business Management Council (www.farmcentre.com) is now being using by OATI, the Ontario Agriculture Training Institute. You can sign up to be part of their web classroom, and learn on your home computer this winter, without having to brave prairie storms and icy roads.

I’m signed up for their farm succession planning course which is taught by Peter Coughler. Web based learning allows you to read the presentations on your screen, and then join an on-line group at pre-assigned times. This succession course starts in late February and occurs one night per week over four weeks. OATI is also offering commodity marketing, and managing for high performance (human resources issues).

Call Lee Davis at 1-866-618-0694, extension 222 to register (davis@oati.com).

January is typically the month that people set new goals or put deadlines on their dreams.

Life-long learning is a ticket to new opportunity, and possibly more income.

What’s your excuse for not learning something new this year?

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Elaine Froese coaches farm family businesses through transition.  Elaine drives a red combine on her family’s seed farm near Boissevain, Manitoba. She is part of the Expert Speaker’s series of www.farmcentre.com.

Broken Heartland

July is a precious month in our household, as it is the one we look forward to our annual camping trek to Clear Lake. This year it’s extra special as we celebrate 25 years of a happy marriage, attend a wedding, and celebrate Boissevain’s Homegrown reunion.

Osha Grey Davidson’s book title “Broken Heartland” inspired this column’s title, because in the past few months I have heard many sad stories of broken dreams and stressed marriages on the farm.

As I am coaching farm families I am seeing a deep need to “sow seeds of peace”. In James 3:18 it says “A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.” It’s time for fathers and mothers to make peace with their farming sons and daughter-in-laws. I don’t care what your net worth is, it means absolutely nothing if relationships are raw with hurt. Promises to pass on the farm “someday” and treating your 40 year old son like a hired hand instead of the next leader just doesn’t sow peace.

Marriages fail when promises are broken. You won’t dare let the fences fall into disrepair, lest the neighbour’s bull roam your cow herd. Why do you shy away from those talks you know you need to have with your son and your lawyer about ownership titles and operating agreements?

Your pride and stubbornness is killing your family. Your need to always be the boss, and make all the decisions, yet this approach won’t help mentor the next generation. Your son is about to leave. Your daughter-in-law left emotionally a long time ago. Your legacy is lost.

What can you do?

Start by offering the olive branch of love, mercy and forgiveness. Face your fears about your future farming identity. Talk about what a good day looks like to you when your son is the manager, and you work alongside him, or mentor from a distance. If you are afraid that your son will fail, get into unmanageable debt, and lose the farm…you need to talk openly about that fear of failure. Tell your son directly that you are thankful for him, and mention specific examples of what he has done that you appreciate. Sons can also tell their parents what they appreciate. It needs to happen both ways.

Farm businesses are under a lot of strain, but the crushing stress of unhealthy farm family relationships is the worst pressure. You can bounce back from a lot of conflict when communication is trustworthy and open, knowing that the future hope is a restored relationship and a common vision for the family and business.

Sign up for the Alpha Marriage course, and work on your own marriage relationship. Call 1-800-743-0899 to find out how to get the Marriage Course in your town. Use July as the month to have intentional fun with your family. Buy a Bocce Ball set, and play with 3 generations on the front lawn. Go to the lake as a family. Build a horseshoe pit. Roast marshmallows around a barrel pit fire.

“It’s either me or the farm, I can’t live on broken promises anymore.” Some young farm wives are tired of being put last. They understand the long hours, and the busy seasons, but they will not be totally isolated and neglected for long periods. If Dad and Mom can’t let go of management or ownership, then son is going to look at options outside of the family farm. Farm sons have lots of marketable skills, so don’t suppose that they won’t ever leave.

“She is gone, and so is our son, so our problems are over.” Wrong. You have lost the opportunity to have your son work alongside you. You have lost the trust and respect of his spouse. You might even have lost future contact with your grandchildren. Was your stubbornness and anger worth it ? I think not. Use July to find out when the next conflict resolution course is offered at your community college or in a larger centre. Take the course.

Newlyweds don’t usually get to the altar, until they have done some degree of pre-marriage counselling. Asking for counselling is not a sign of weakness, asking for help with your communication in your marriage and family is a good thing.

July is haying time, but there is still time for tailgate suppers and picnics in the field.

You can mend broken hearts by asking what the other person needs to feel loved and appreciated…and then do it ! Asking for forgiveness is also a huge bridge builder to re-starting the relationship on a clear footing.

My husband knows that I am committed to him, and to supporting him as a farmer.

We are cherishing our marriage by open communication, resolving conflict, and being willing to learn more about meeting each other’s needs.

My prayer for your family is that you will be very intentional about creating the place and space for nurturing the hearts of your family, and your farm’s future. Restore the heartland of your home.

“Mercy, peace, and love, be yours in abundance.” Jude 1:2.

Balancing Work and Family…it’s possible !

May is the season we celebrate Moms, and seeding! Here are some thoughts on taking better care of ourselves, in order to be resilient farm families.

Balancing work and family on the farm is an on-going process. It involves an intentional holistic approach to the many roles farm families perform managing the overload of busy seasons.

Research by Dr. Nikki Gerrard of Saskatchewan, who spent 12 years looking at resiliency in farm families, found that the keys to bouncing back…balanced living…are communication, connection, and a deep sense of community. My studies at the Hudson Institute framed balance as “hold on, let go, take on…”

Hold On:

What things are you doing that you want to continue doing? If farming is your passion and you want to hold on to the farm business, what does that look like to you? Describe what a really great day on the farm would look like. Can you express your desires to your mate?

Let Go:

Sometimes we need to conduct minor surgery on our lives and fix what hasn’t been working. This might mean being really honest about what our addictions have been costing our family and business. Are you addicted to work, food, alcohol ? Do you care too much about others at the expense of your own well being? Expectations of people, your farm performance, and possessions may be killing you! If you are feeling stuck in your current situation, you might want to create an exit plan. Transitioning out of your current work role at the farm may mean working different hours or only working when you choose to come and help out.

Take On:

I’m a firm believer in life-long learning. I want to take on projects that will help me be a better person, relate to others, and help our family and farm business. The farming lifestyle can be fulfilling when you feel what you are doing is meaningful. What things would be good for you to take on ? Are there some new skills you need to learn? Is it time to face your mortality and work on a plan to transfer the farm? Is it time to have more fun and find out where the old-time dances are scheduled? Is it time to learn how to work the wood lathe, and dust off the books waiting to be savoured?

Life is a grand adventure, more like a “Slinky” and not a straight line. Hard work doesn’t guarantee success. What is your definition of success?

Move on. Perhaps you just want to get on with your life, and not change very much. The years slip quickly by, and so may some of your dreams if you don’t stop to remember who you want to be and what you want to do.

I’m a human being first, wanting to be intentional about caring for myself, my family, and my community.

Balanced living and planning for change may sound impossible, but dig down and figure out how you want to restructure the current scenario you find yourself in.

Farm families are resilient and have many resources to draw on. You can choose to cruise doing things the way you’ve always done, or you can look at your situation with courage and say “Some things around here have to change.”
Planning for change involves:

* Holding on to what is good and right for you.
* Letting go of the habits, activities, and roles that don’t work for you anymore.
* Taking on new learning projects, and unlearning things that keep you stuck.
* Moving on with a timeline to accomplish what your life stage requires of you.

Farmers are famous for living in “next year country”. My challenge to you is to learn from the past year’s trials. Take good care of yourself and your family, …physically, emotionally and spiritually. Find a quiet place to contemplate what you want .Balancing the many roles each person has: self, couple, family, farm, other work, friends, and community involves setting priorities for what is going to happen, and what you will say “no” to. Understanding your strategies for avoiding “role overload” is important.

Lack of appreciation, stubbornness to release power and control, and un-forgiveness keep farm business families stuck and unbalanced.

Ten Characteristics of Farms Under Stress:

Circle those things that are affecting your sense of balance on your farm:

• Keeping farm problems secret from partners or friends?
• Feeling pressure to keep up with an unaffordable lifestyle?
• Too busy with community commitments?
• Juggling farming and off-farm work?
• Fearing being forced to leave the farm?
• Family is becoming fragmented?
• Feeling farming will not be prosperous in the future?
• Avoiding dealing with farm problems… eg. bills, records?
• Having too many problems for one person to handle?
• Are you unhappy with your farm situation?

(More than two circles means your stress and unbalance level is serious !)

Connection is a resiliency building skill that helps people feel they can manage.

What does your personal support system look like ?

DO YOU: ( Mark Y for Yes, N for No.)

• Have friends in your community who you can talk to when you have problems?
• Know people who balance their lives and manage stress well?
• Have a close and high quality relationship with someone?
• Have a willingness to seek professional counselling if stress becomes severe?
• Have a strong and supportive family or home life?
• Know someone to talk to about your problems and nobody will know?
• Regularly discuss your personal situation with partners or friends?

When I hold a wrench up to my audience I declare that “Elaine Froese can only fix Elaine Froese.” We each need to take personal responsibility for the choices we make, and reactions we have to the balance we seek in our lives. I can only change myself, and I need to communicate my needs and roles clearly to the others on my farm family team.
Some of the healthy coping skills for the process of balanced living are possible if we:

• Ask for help and seek advice
• Copy success of role models we are inspired by.
• Avoid becoming martyrs with negative attitudes
• Learn to say no and set healthy boundaries
• Lighten up and create margin in our lives
• Keep track of what we commit to
• Practice extreme self-care, which is not selfish.

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Elaine Froese, a.k.a. “the wrench lady” is a catalyst for positive change.

You can’t commend what you do not cherish.

Love one another.

I am thankful for a strong marriage, and I cherish my relationship with my husband. He gave me a 20th anniversary ring, a symbol of being cherished , showing me deep love, honour and respect. This winter we’ve shared time at an Alpha marriage course watching DVD’s and working privately in our workbooks. I highly recommend the course. How can you cherish your marriage?

Time: Marriage time..the foundation of 1-2 hours per week scheduled time to look each other in the eyes, hugs, hold hands, rub feet, walk, laugh, connect with the eyes of the soul..your soul-mate. This time needs to be booked on your calendar, PDA or day- timer.

Touch: non-sexual affection, a short kiss on the back of the neck at the kitchen sink, a hug hello, or a kiss goodbye. German business men who kiss their wives goodbye have fewer car accidents, and make more money ! Meaningful physical touch. A shoulder squeeze or back rub that says I care, I love you, and I want to connect with you.

Telling: verbal affirmation. ” I love you and you are beautiful, goodbye darling”. Use special terms of endearment…Affirm with the written word of “I love you” in your journal, your Bible, your day-timer, your palm pilot, and the wallpaper of your computer, and the file of encouragement that you would grab if the house was on fire.

What would you grab if your house was on fire?

Can you list 6 things that you deeply appreciate about your spouse, and then tell them?

Treating your spouse with the cleaning of the Chevy pick-up or hauling out the compost or sweeping off the fresh snow on the back porch. Making all the arrangement for a quick overnight to a B&B in the woods, or the pool at the hotel. Cooking supper. Booking the kids at grandma’s and delivering them there so you can work on the puzzle, Scramble game and bedroom fun, uninterrupted.!

Thinking: listening intently to what your spouse is feeling, and what they are afraid of. De-coding all those fear triggers and exploring how they were listened to as a child, and now how you feel cared for. Your caring list is expanded so you can think up new ways in this season of your marriage to care for your spouse so that they feel deeply cherished.

Travelling : without the suitcase just for the day to get away from the farm to gain a new perspective. The destination can be 150 km. friends, or a farm show, or an auction or antique store to explore. The truck becomes the conversation pit, and the cell phone is shut off , with your favourite Paul Overstreet CD on the stereo.

Treasures made by hand, found in the field, or tracked down with thought and care.” I made this antique desk for you , I brought you wild sunflowers and wheat heads from the field, I tracked down that book you wanted from the library. I cashed in the piggy bank stash for this rose for you. I paid for a cleaning lady to terrorize our house while we’re away. I bought the labour of these 2 teenage church kids to help us with this special project you’ve been wanting done for a long time.”

Tickling your funny bone, sharing good jokes, funny observations and avoiding teasing in a fun way to create that inner jogging and laughter that heals, creates joy, and helps put those deposits in the emotional bank account to weather the tough times. Show each other the comics or farm paper cartoons that tickle your funny bone, or give you a lighter perspective.

Tracking short accounts, and letting go of hurt with forgiveness. Going to bed, but not letting the sun go down on your anger. Seeing the intent, action and effect by testing out the issues, and being soft on the person but hard on the problem. Knowing that grudges and grievances can be the dripping tap that erodes the relationship and becomes a huge problem later on.

Treat your spouse as if you don’t know how much time you’ve got together. Your passion to love and be loved, the intimacy that drives your relationship is a precious gift, not to be taken for granted. Widows at 45 , two who are my friends, have taught me to take stock of the present moment, and be thankful. That attitude of gratitude doesn’t need to be saved up for one day a year in February… it needs to be sprinkled extravagantly throughout the sunrises and sunsets of the year.

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Elaine Froese speaks to church groups and women’s retreats.

Surviving on Thriving in 2006

A young woman from our church family was sharing this week about her adventures as a missionary in Japan. As a tall blonde white woman she really stands out in her adopted home. She is there to share the love of God, and help people grow. “You can’t commend what you do not cherish” has become a special quote to her.

Are we cherishing our marriages, our families, our livelihood?

I’ve been getting a few phone calls lately from very discouraged, frustrated farmers. When I ask a farmer what his main goal for 2006 is, he quickly says, “survival”. When I was at a dairy farmer’s trade show this week, a seed grower from the Red River Valley said “things will get better, my family is great, and I’m thankful for that.”

I cherish my faith, my family, and my freedom to grow in a peaceful country. I challenge you think about what your theme is for 2006.

I’ve picked celebration. Our son graduates in June. Our daughter is studying hard, and spending time helping with hurricane Katrina relief. We’re having a BBQ and concert on our farmyard in July to celebrate 25 years of marriage. My dad turns 80 that same month, and in late October I’ll be a fabulous fifty years old! It’s time to celebrate!

Could you choose courage as your theme? Take courage to go back to school to learn some new income-generating skills with the financial aid of the Canadian Agricultural Skills program? (Call 1-866-668-2277 in Manitoba, 1-866-452-5558 Alberta, 1-888-887-7977 Saskatchewan, 1-800-622-0232 B.C, or go to www.agr.gc.ca/renewal).

Courage is defined as “bravery, boldness…nerve oneself to a venture…courage to act up to what one believes.” (Oxford Concise Dictionary)

Many farm families need to have some courageous conversations this winter while they are trying to make sense of their future choices. “Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 NIV).

Take courage to ask from a position of curiosity.

“I’m curious about your thoughts on letting go of some things…I’m curious how you are feeling about our relationship and what we need to change… I’m curious if you’ve let the kids know lately how much you love them.”

Fodder for my work comes from all directions . I deeply believe that when the next 12 months zoom by and you reflect on 2006 you won’t remember a lot of the challenges, but you’ll keenly remember the conversations of encouragement, love and conviction that inspired you to get beyond just surviving, and actually start thriving!

My glass of water on my desk is always half full, not half empty. I’m wired to be a positive person, but I feed that approach with God’s wisdom, the Bible, and by relating to people with the love of Jesus. I’ve decided that my celebration of life this year will include bolder conversations about God’s deep love for people, and His desire for us all to use our gifts to bring people out of despair, and into relationship with a Saviour who promises abundant life now in 2006.

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Elaine Froese is a catalyst for creative communication and change.