Be Grateful

Some people ask for signs to show up in their lives to guide them on the way. This summer on the Interstate, just south of Grand Forks, a sign caught our eye…more than once.

“BE GRATEFUL” was posted close to the traffic whizzing by. I was encouraged that someone had spent money to communicate a very important message, in the middle of the summer, in the midst of a drought.

Farmers are a pretty thankful lot, despite all the jokes in the press about whining and complaining. I’ve met many prairie people this year who are grateful for their families who continue to toil and create opportunity with a thankful heart. Are you thankful for living in peace, eating well, and being deeply cherished ?

I’ve also heard sad tales of grandparents being denied access to their grandkids, and sons who just can’t share the bounty of what their parents intended.

It really comes down to making a choice doesn’t it ? We choose to bless others by our love and actions, and we intentionally verbally affirm those who fill our emotional bank account. “Tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruit of their deeds” says Isaiah 3:10 (NIV).

Psychologists suggest that thankful people are emotionally healthy in more cases than those who chose to be hard of heart, and tight-fisted with their appreciation.

Regardless of whether the pasture is fair or poor, and the bins are full or lacking, choose to be grateful as you plan your next move for your family and business.

Blessings to you all for a wonderful celebration of Thanksgiving. Remember, strong families celebrate !

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This article was originally published by Bayer CropScience in Farm Forum magazine. Posted with permission

“Is Your Funeral Planned?”

This August our community was saddened by 3 fatalities, in three separate accidents.

The celebration of life (funeral) for a young husband, father, and friend gripped us all, as we confronted our own mortality.

Planning a wedding and a funeral really are not that different, the costs are significant, but usually a funeral is planned in 3 days or less, and you don’t know how many are coming.

As I celebrate a milestone birthday later this month, my goal is to have my funeral planned, so that my family knows my wishes. I also want to truthfully tell my coaching clients, that I too have faced my own death, and letting-go issues with a plan for my home-going.

Heaven is a wonderful place, and grief is hard on the loves one left behind, so let’s make a checklist of things to talk about and write plans for.

1. Burial…do you have a spot at the family plot ? Is it well maintained? Can you plant a memorial tree there? What do we do with your ashes?
2. Body…As you are dying, do you want to give new life to the organ recipients you have considered ? Do you want to be cremated, or in form for a viewing ? Do you want people to be able to touch your body as they say their goodbyes?
3. Box…how fancy does it have to be? I have picked out 3 caskets in my lifetime, and I vote for the cheapest pine box, wrapped with a quilt. Some people store their caskets at home, but you can make other pre-arrangements! Cremation containers come in many formats.
4. Bouquets…plant a tree in my memory, and have a few arrangements at my service, but don’t spend heaps on roses for my casket spray. I once made a casket spray using wheat, flax, ditch grasses, and tiger lilies for $35, not $350…you can do a great job yourself, but most people wouldn’t attempt this. What’s your favourite flower ? Do you want graveside roses in vials for your mourning family ? I have seen a toy tractor as part of the spray, and a viola at the altar.
5. Bearers…who do you want to carry you to the grave ? Women can be given this honour, too. The pallbearers might all wear matching tee shirts and jeans, which honours a young life lost. List a few alternates.
6. Bulletins…Get your picture taken, one you really like. In the digital world lots of great photo stories are possible for the service bulletin. You can put a copy in your funeral plans file which you are starting after reading this article. I have also seen a video screen picture on the altar, and a power point picture as the banner for the service.
7. Beliefs…What is your favourite Scripture verse or saying ? A woman who died of cancer had a verse about “What Cancer Cannot Do”. You might have a special verse that describes your faith journey, and encourages the mourners. What message do you want your pastor to preach?
8. Blocks…of granite. Do you know what you want marked on your tombstone…or graveside marker? “Love one another” was my mother’s choice. My sister’s grave marker has her signature. A walk through the local cemetery will give you lots of ideas. I won’t have a picture of our farm, but this too has been done! Some families dedicate the marker a year after the burial.
9. Blessing with music. Music is a powerful release and great comforter. Choose the songs that are special to your journey which will bless the grieving congregation. I have witnessed young teens play for their dad’s funeral, and seen the power of bagpipes and the violin as solos. “Jesus loves me” is universal in its healing power. Some younger folks tune in with popular CD’s. Start collecting the tunes now that you want relayed at your life celebration. Three part harmony was a real blessing at a graveside ceremony where family members and friends covered the grave by hand with long handled spades. The physical action of laying the soil helps the healing process.
10. Benefactor…which charity will receive donations in lieu of flowers? Do you have a special mission or local cause that you wish your friends will support in your memory ? Will a trust fund be needed to support your dependent children ?
11. Balls and balloons. I have seen grandkids throw golf balls into the grave as they say farewell to a beloved grandfather. White balloons were a strong connection for our family to relate their love of fun to their deceased grandma who delighted in their water balloon games. The children released the balloons at the graveside.
12. Biography…My favourite page of the Globe and Mail is the back page, where I read of a life well lived. What key points do you need to jot down about your story ? Would you spend some time writing your own obituary ? This is a key area where your foresight could really help out your grieving family. Reading the eulogy, publishing the obituary, these are big tasks, and you can soften the hardship by offering your words, recorded on paper and disk. Would you ask 3 friends from hockey, golf, and your Bible study group to speak about you?
13. Buns…Raisin buns are a traditional funeral food, along with meat, cheese, pickles, and dainties. Breaking bread together around a table is a healing thing.

    There is a trend to have no funeral, or a private graveside ceremony. I think this shortchanges the community. We need to grieve, to hug, and talk about the loved one lost. Don’t forgo the chance to create a community bond of caring, have a funeral!

14. Barrister…If it is true that 50% of the people reading this don’t have a will, that’s very sad news. Get your will updated, and chat with your beneficiaries about your wishes. Make a separate list of special belongings you want to go to specific people.
15. Books…on planning your funeral are readily available from funeral directors.

“That which is good to be done, cannot be done too soon; and if it is neglected to be done early, it will frequently happen that it will not be done at all.” (Bishop Mant)

I really want us all to act on this. Written plans are a wonderful gift to the family left behind, when they have some understanding of how you would like to be celebrated.

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Elaine Froese is a catalyst for courageous conversations and change. Her passion is to encourage families to act on what they know they ought to do. Elaine is a professional speaker and certified family business coach from Boissevain, Manitoba.

How to step down but not out

Unleash the confidence and energy of the next generation when the time is right for you and the farm.

“Timing is everything” applies to more than we might think – steak on the grill, stocks and bonds and letting go of the reins in a family business.

If we’re lucky, we recognize when reducing the daily stress of running a farm starts to sound good. For many, the preferred plan of action is a gradual relinquishing of responsibilities rather than full retirement. Whether you go cold turkey or ease out gradually, you’ll need a plan.

Mark Voeller, Linda Fairburn and Wayne Thompson point out in their book Exit Right that “while many family business leaders can gauge their place in their life cycle accurately, they must also be aware of how stepping back, but not down will affect the rest of the family.”

In their view, often the business leader waits too long to begin to relinquish control when energy levels start declining and decisions become more difficult to make. Elaine Froese, certified life coach and columnist, based in Boissevain, Man., says the need to control sometimes gets in the way.

“Rivalry with the next generation can slow down the easing-out process. You might be thinking, ‘What if I turn the farm over to my son and he does better than I did?’ If you get into that kind of downward-spiral thinking, letting go becomes a whole lot more difficult.”

It takes maturity and insight into yourself and your successors to know when the business needs a whole lot more energy from the next generation. “Transitioning out of the business usually takes two to three years,” says Froese. “Make a plan. Put markers in place. On this date I will transfer my shares. On this date, my son or whoever will start delivering the grain to the elevator.”

Voeller, Fairburn and Thompson say: “If waiting until old age or ill heath becomes your operational reality, you may find that you don’t have the steam to effectively play your role or that the hand-over has come too late for both the business and the next generation.”

Experts say that at about age 60, most people start considering what retirement plans will look like. Not addressing this head-on creates anxiety in the business and in the family.

“Generally speaking, it is better to choose your successor(s) sooner rather than later because effective leadership transitions don’t happen overnight – typically, they take from five years or more,” says Froese.

It takes this long because adjustments are required that can trigger new ways of managing the farm business. Voeller, Fairburn and Thompson say these need to be considered “because you want the development of your successor to coincide with the readiness of the business for new leadership and with your readiness to step down, but not necessarily out.”

It’s sometimes easier to give up ownership than management control. However, experts agree that not giving up some management control “can be an enormous impediment to a smooth leadership transition. If you don’t marry authority to increasing responsibility, you risk demoralizing your successor and confusing everyone else,” they say.

Stepping aside but not out requires clarity every step of the way. Create a timetable so those working with you know what to expect. Voeller, Fairburn and Thompson say: “Make sure everyone is clear about your future role, responsibility and authority – including you. Step aside completely only when you are ready to stay aside.”

Froese adds important insight: “Fear of aging can keep people in leadership roles longer than is good for them or the business. Another reason is that they have nothing to look forward to. You can’t transition into something if you don’t have something to go to.”

Exit Right points out that newly retired people sometimes get bored with their new position in life and start “hanging around the business, often giving orders and otherwise helping out.” This creates resentment and confusion that, in worst-case scenarios, lead to the newly charged successors backing out of the business. The advice: “Write out your new role and stick to it. You’ll spare your family and the employees some difficult situations.”

You may want to keep your hand in combining or meeting with chemical reps. You may want to ride fence lines or do the shop work. Figure out what you’d like to do, name those responsibilities formally, communicate them and follow through.

Voeller, Fairburn and Thompson offer this analogy: “Being in business is like being in a canoe. Why? Because there are two times when you can really get into trouble: getting in and getting out.”

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This article was originally published by Bayer CropScience in Farm Forum magazine. Posted with permission

Finding ways to ‘take five’

Give yourself permission to relax

If there were 25 hours in a day, how would you spend that extra hour – would you cram in another hour of work or would you take time for yourself and relax?

Before you answer, consider this: According to studies conducted on stress and its polar opposite – relaxation – those who are less stressed and more relaxed live longer with fewer health problems.

“Relaxing is a very important part of farming successfully,” says Robert Fetsch, professor and State Extension Specialist in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at Colorado State University. “Ag production is such a high-stress, high-tension occupation that it’s important for everyone to take care of themselves. We know from research that people who don’t take good care of themselves, don’t live as long.”

Also consider this: A farmer’s job is never done. “Farmers and farm families work very hard,” adds Don Bower, Department Head, Child and Family Development at the University of Georgia. “But there’s always something more to do regardless of how many hours you work.”

Relaxation is relative

The evolution of farming and of American work habits in general, have progressed to the point where time for relaxation is a scarce commodity. Studies have shown that Americans have added the equivalent of seven weeks to their annual work schedule since 1970 through longer work hours and less vacation time.

“These are some troubling statistics, so it’s important to find some balance in your life,” says Bower. “There is clear evidence that over time, stress reduces your body’s physical resilience. You’re less likely to be able to withstand infections and injuries if your body is not renewed by relaxation as well as good nutrition and exercise.”

Wendell Joyce, farmer and current Executive Director of the Canadian Farm Business Management Council, notes that farm safety can also be at risk. “When I reflect on it, all the close calls I’ve had have been when I was under pressure or overtired,” he says. “There’s a very definite correlation between the two.”

Before you insist that you can’t possibly take five minutes out of your schedule to do nothing, consider that relaxing isn’t simply being idle.

“Relaxation is relative,” says Joyce. “It doesn’t have to be sitting on a beach or in a rocking chair. Relaxation can be sitting on a tractor. I find making hay is as relaxing for me as sitting in a rocking chair in the living room. Checking calves with my son is also relaxing. Relaxation is more of a state of mind than a physical location. It can be defined in many different ways.”

Elaine Froese, motivational speaker, author and farm business coach in Boissevain, Manitoba, defines relaxation as enjoying a cup of tea and a good laugh with friends around the kitchen table. For her husband, it’s calling his mother who lives three hours away but wants to remain connected to the farm. Her 80-year-old father who still farms relaxes by taking a 10-minute power nap after lunch. “I haven’t learned the art of napping,” she admits. “But it’s a great way to take a break and build more pauses into your life. It’s really wherever you go in your mind, body and spirit where you lose all track of time and you become renewed.”

Here are some guidelines to help you find balance by learning to incorporate relaxation and “pause” into your day:

Determine what makes you stressed – Pay attention to how your body reacts to certain situations. Notice when you feel tension in your neck, shoulder or jaw. Stress causes other physical changes in your body as well, such as increased heart rate and chemical imbalances, notes Bower.

Learn the difference between problems and predicaments, encourages Fetsch. Predicaments are forces over which you have less than 50% control, such as the weather, commodity prices, etc. Problems are factors over which you have at least 50% control. “When I ask people to list their top 10 stressors, weather almost always makes the list, so do commodity prices and equipment costs,” says Fetsch. “But these are all predicaments over which you don’t have control. Rather than focus on these, focus on aspects over which you have control such as when you’ll turn on the irrigation water.

“The same rule applies to relationships with people. You probably don’t have a lot of control over what Mom and Dad thinks,” he continues. “Instead of focusing on their reaction, focus on how you can be the best farmer, husband, wife, etc. you can be.”

Control your reaction to stress – Fetsch defines stress as a response to a perceived threat. Rarely are our threats truly dangerous, but threats against our plans – especially those involving time, money or relationships – are the basis for most of our stress.

For example, what is your reaction to a rainy morning if you had fieldwork planned?

“Instead of letting it stress you out, focus on work that can be done in the barn or the office,” says Bower. Making it a productive day will reduce the stress.

“Make a conscious decision to reframe an unplanned circumstance as an opportunity to do something else,” he says. Rather than obsess about them, train yourself to let go of those things you can’t control.”

Your perception of a stressful event is a key variable between those who handle stress well and those who don’t, explains Fetsch. For example, it may not be so much a financial condition as what that financial condition means to you.

“If you think you’re going under, you’ll have a lot higher stress and depression than if you think you have some way to manage it,” he says. “It may help to consider that at other times in your life you may have lived with less income, or maybe a spouse can get a part-time job.

“If you look at positive actions, it will help your stress level and depression and will help you stay healthier with better family functioning. It’s like a card game – it’s not so much winning or losing, but how well we deal with the hand we’re dealt.”

There are several physical and mental activities that can release tension and promote relaxation. Physically, Fetsch suggests that you do stretching exercises every morning, especially if you plan to do a physically strenuous activity during the day.

“Periodically throughout the day take some time for deep breathing. Roll your head to the left and right a few times and close your eyes for a second or two,” he notes. “It’s a relatively simple thing to do that doesn’t take much time. It’s best to be able to relax for 20 to 30 minutes, but even a minute or two is better than nothing.”

Emotionally, Fetsch says to focus on things that are pleasant to you, such as family. “There is real value in getting physically removed from the operation,” adds Joyce. “But on those days when you can’t do that, you can do it in your mind.”

Take some time off – Try setting aside one day a week where you don’t plan any farm work. “Having a day with no real fixed agenda can be beneficial,” Froese says.

Stay connected with neighbors and the community – Joyce indicates that in just one generation we’ve gone from a society that enjoys a friendly visit to one that hopes no one stops when they spot us outside.

“The culture has shifted,” adds Froese. “Drop-in visits just don’t happen anymore. The gift of a visit, a good meal and having fun together are becoming lost rural arts. They used to give people a lot of renewal and relaxation. But we can regain some of it. Most of us have a cell phone. Call your neighbors and ask if it’s OK to drop in. They have the opportunity to say yes or no, and you haven’t lost anything by asking.”

Staying connected also helps identify neighbors and friends in crisis. “Keep an eye out for who is withdrawing,” says Froese. “Some people’s response to financial and time pressures is to pull back from the community. Pay attention to who isn’t coming to the auctions and special community events. Most people don’t even realize that they are disconnecting.”

Let go of hostility – Research indicates that those who are not only stressed but are also hostile about it, are at greater risk for health issues. “There’s a difference being stressed and being stressed with hostility,” says Fetsch. “When there’s anger and blame toward the government, family members, the neighbor, etc., at some point these people will likely have health problems.”

Give yourself permission to pause – Don’t confuse relaxing with being lazy. It’s a good thing.

“Everybody has the same 24 hours a day and everybody makes decisions about what to do with them,” Bower says. “Think about other people who depend on you. If you feel you’re being selfish by taking a few minutes to relax, consider that it’s an investment in your family. It’s an investment for being around to see your children and grandchildren. Farmers in particular are very concerned about appearing to be selfish, but consider that by relaxing, you’re doing something for someone else. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.”

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This article was published in the Summer 2006 issue of Canadian Farming Magazine

Salaried Success Keeps Farm Heirs Happier

In June we celebrate Father’s day. I am curious if your dad shared his financial success with you in a structured way.In June we celebrate Father’s day. I am curious if your dad shared his financial success with you in a structured way. I meet many farming sons who would love to convince parents to employ a better system of sharing the farm finances.

A while back in Howick, Quebec I was inspired by Mario Dumas, a chartered accountant who has a great deal of common sense in helping his farm clients transfer their farms to the farm heirs. Dumas outlined the preoccupations or fears common to farm families:

• Can children manage the responsibilities of the farm?
• Can children afford to buy out the parents and succeed in today’s world?
• Can the parent’s equity be protected?
• Can we protect our children from spousal breakups?
• How can the parents be fair to the non-farming children?
• Can we make the farm transfer without paying large amounts of tax?

Mario Dumas has clients who just want to save tax, but the conversation has to be much larger than that. He sees poor communication between parents and children who have never worked as a team, and the children with little experience or autonomy as two main difficulties. Parents who have only farm assets, and no hobbies or goals or financial plans also make for a tough transfer.

How can you make it easier? Family members who resolve conflicts easily are ahead. Sign up for that conflict resolution course today! Give your adult children ways to obtain experience, training, and autonomy. Take in farm succession seminars like the Agri-success series sponsored by Farm Credit Canada or on the web at www.farmcentre.com. Order the Canadian Farm Business Mgt. Succession CD tool for only $15 to see where you need to get started. Diversify your assets, and make some concrete financial plans with a certified financial planner.

Dumas’s 4 steps of a progressive farm transfer are:

1. Salary to the farm child starting at age 14 and up.
2. Salary with partial equity (20%) when adult child shares commitment to the business.
3. Full partnership (50%)
4. Retirement (100%)…or what I like to call re-inventing Dad and Mom.

“When is this all going to happen Dad and Mom?” says the adult child who has just come back from college. Timelines to the 4 stages are critical. Promises without paper back-up are meaningless to the younger generation who has mortgages to pay, spouses to align goals with, and a need to take charge by age 40, … hopefully somewhat sooner.

Stage One:

This is the period of the teenage years to early 20′s where the children get educated, and the founder gives lots of experience to his salaried workers. Dad and Mom need to provide training and autonomy. Merle Good of Alberta suggests that a separate enterprise like the custom haying or spraying is a good learning ground for junior.

The financial rewards at this stage are a function of the effort the child puts in, and there are also verbal rewards to keep the next generation motivated. Remember that these kids are not only motivated by money, they need their opinions respected also. It’s a good idea at this stage to formalize business meetings on a regular basis to discuss performance and increase children’s participation in decision making, financial records and plans.

Keep the supper table sacred. Don’t make decisions at the supper table, and keep family conflict resolution away from family celebrations. Dumas says “Don’t talk about what happens when father dies on Father’s day!!”

Stage Two:

At age 18 onward as the adult child shows more commitment to the operation, the founder transfers 20% of equity. In Quebec there is an establishment grant, that is not available in the rest of the country. So, make your own grant to your farming child, or else seek out some lenders who will work with a young owner. The salary continues to be based on effort, and now you start shopping for life insurance for the adult child. As parents you need to start formalizing you withdrawal plans with RRSP’s, life insurance, and understanding what your lifestyle needs are. Dumas asks his clients to draw up a budget and keep track of living expenses. He wants his clients to have a clear understanding of what they will need to draw from the farm in the future.

Meetings should be formal, and a strong team of outside farm advisors should be in place for sound decision making. (see www.cafanet.com)

Stage Three:

This is the stage of full partnership where the farming kid gets 50% and a chance to create equity. You meet with your business advisors to see if expansion is a goal. It is also a good stage to employ the Canadian Farm Business Advisory Service (CFBAS) for some financial benchmarking. Dumas also suggests that you may want to sell an additional amount to your child in exchange for an interest free loan. Consult your tax specialist for the best tax strategies at this stage, review your shareholders or partnership agreement and update your will. You might also want to check out critical illness insurance and clauses in your agreements to protect against divorce scenarios. Dumas says to “go crazy” and leave the farm for a few days, just to see how it feels. At this stage the farming parents need to create or grow their hobbies, adjust their re-numeration, and seek outside interests.

Stage Four:

Dad and Mom Re-invent themselves. Farming children manage 100%.

Retirement is just a bad word and not workable for many farm founders. Letting go of 100% of the shares may be hard, but at this stage you are transferring the remaining 50% of the farm in exchange for an interest free loan (mortgaged or not). After the transfer you may hold a non-interest bearing note from the farm.

Since you created a lifestyle budget in stage three, you know full well what kind of cash flow you need for your new life chapter, and prepare a sound cash flow projection for your monthly needs. You also update your inventory of non-farm assets that are designated for your non-farming children in the form of life insurance, real estate, and RRSP’s. Your new role is “advisor” to the family farm, not the “order-giver”.

“Oh Elaine, I wish it was just that easy!”

We all have choices in how we communicate and make choices with our families and our farms. Today is a good day to think about what legacy you are leaving your farming children. They can’t keep waiting for “someday” and empty promises that won’t stand up to legal scrutiny. If your son is graduating from college he is watching his student friends drive their new pick-ups, enforce their company expense accounts, and haul in a professional salary. What are you doing to keep your professional son or daughter salaried and happy growing equity in the family farm?

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Elaine Froese is a catalyst for creative communication and change. Her passion is to help farm businesses deal with the pain of conflicting goals and employ new plans for change.