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 How to feel better
We're all farming with uncertainty. How many of us are making decisions based on positive uncertainty? “We have a choice about how we deal with uncertainty; we can be positive and create more possibilities,” says Carol Gelatt, author of Creative Decision Making Using Positive Uncertainty. She encourages us to be focused yet flexible about what we want. Be aware and yet wary of what you know, as it's easy to become bogged down by too much data. Too much data! There seems to be a trend where farm families are being paralyzed by too much paperwork, plans and possibilities. I’m hearing about action plans that are sitting on the kitchen table or stuffed in the office drawer. Do you believe you have options? Beliefs have a huge impact on how we see things. Gelatt suggests that we be realistic about what we believe, “dread precisely, dream and believe greatly!” Do you have a metaphor or word picture for where you feel stuck? “Elaine, it feels like we are slipping backwards into a deep pit, and no one is giving us a hand to help us get out.” The Psalmist David found himself in many pits, and he cried out to God for help. Shelter amidst uncertainty is found by connecting to your creator, your spouse and your friends. What is stopping or inhibiting you from taking action? If you're overwhelmed with too much information or data, then set some boundaries for “enough is enough.” Give yourself permission to stop collecting information. Do you have certain decision rules in your head? Can you be practical, rational and logical, yet let your heart have space so you can move forward? How does it feel when you’ve made a great decision? Do you recall how you made decisions in the past that worked out well? Gelatt strongly believes that “positive uncertainty increases the opportunity for expanding future possibilities. The unknowable future is not the unthinkable future. There are 3 types of futures … the probable, the preferable and the possible.” Many farm families are facing a future with fear. They're scared that someone else’s decisions are going to change their life. Some families are so stuck that they make no decisions to move forward, and that in itself is a decision by default. Ask: “What else can you do? What other options can happen?” Gelatt suggests we make a “big list of little things that you could do day to day to improve the quality of your life. Make a little list of big things that could happen to achieve your goals.” The little things will help you ride the roller-coaster of life to be able to keep energy for the bad days and the good days. Remind yourself of the things you can do to feed your energy. Sandra Krebs Hirsh’s book Soultypes suggests finding shelter in these ways: Pull inward and consider all the hopeful possibilities. Be direct with others and let them know where you stand. Assess what’s important to you and confirm your cherished values. Cut out distractions to allow space for reflection and solitude. Allow yourself to rest so you can nurture your soul. Find ways to acknowledge and deal with emotions. Reassess reality, reviewing what can and cannot change. When I picked up the mail this morning I bumped into a minister friend. She suggested that we open the churches for midweek prayer and connect at potluck suppers. Sharing supper is a way of finding shelter and support. Speaking about your fear and storytelling about what life looks like for you will help you see many possible outcomes. “Hey, I never thought of that” is a wonderful gift to farm folks who are stuck. Counting your blessings with an attitude of gratitude helps you appreciate the little things that lift you up. When you plan your Thanksgiving supper, invite some special guests this year. For those who celebrate after the harvest, you might make a date for November! I'm confident that God will make a way for you. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust’.” Psalm 91:1, 2 (NIV). Look up, especially when you feel stuck. May the hand of God pull you from the pit. Elaine Froese is a Certified Farm Family Coach™ who farms near Boissevain MB. She helps family get unstuck and talk about tough issues for a better future. She is a member of the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors www.cafanet.com. Call toll-free 1-866-848-8311 or email elaine@elainefroese.com Note: You are welcome to reprint or repost any articles on this website with the understanding that
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I always pay close attention when conversations from completely different places have a common thread. As I write this, I have just walked by fields of wheat that refuse to ripen as my face was dampened by the mist that must go away if we're to harvest our crops, but persists. I listen to stories of desperate people seeking legal advice for leaving the cattle farm. Stories of people who need some shelter from adversity. Sad stories of frustrated farmers who avoid talking things out.