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 Living a Full Life with Your FarmerRead this article before Valentines Day guys and save yourself some money. Last February, Today’s Christian Woman magazine (page 10 ) surveyed readers to find out their “favourite way for the man in their life to show affection “ Digest this:
I’m not surprised at all, are you ? Calls from farm women stuck in loveless marriages are part of my experience. I encourage married people to take great care of themselves, and look at ways they can change their attitudes, communication styles and actions. I can only change myself, I can’t change anyone else. (Go back and read that again, out loud !) Don’t buy me chocolates. Chocolate is no longer a food group for me. I have blood sugar levels that are going in the wrong direction. I will still eat the occasional Smartie , but when the small box runs out, that’s it. You don’t need to run to town to buy anything this year for Valentine’s Day. Instead of burning fuel, burn a few candles and sit on the couch side by side, cuddle, listen, and share with each other. Wipe the muck off your boots, kick them off at the door, and spend some focused time with the woman who feels like the calves get more attention than she does. Some women are contemplating leaving the marriage and the farm…even after 3 decades of sticking it out through “better and the worst”. Divorce is not a pretty option, it comes with a huge price tag of unresolved conflict, financial burden, broken wounded relationships and poverty for single moms. Your friends will likely flee also, and the new guy will likely be a lot like the original model. Read the book “ Divorce Busting” by Michelle Weiner Davis. We choose to love. Dust off your Bible and read First Corinthians 13…it will sound familiar as it is a favorite wedding verse. “Love is patient, love is kind……it always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.” (NIV). Loving another person is a conscious act of the will. The more you act with love towards your spouse, the more love will re-kindle and grow. The biggest piece of learning from spending 14 weeks last spring at a marriage course ( we didn’t fail, we just hosted the second time around ) was that all couples crave “marriage time.” This is the time spent working on talking about your relationship… “the state of the union address to one another so to speak” and having fun together. I just spent a few hours yesterday cross-country skiing with my hubby and another couple. Today we talked about doing it on our own with a picnic lunch…that’s called a date! What a wonderful concept for a busy farm couple to consider spending time together to firm up the foundation of their marriage. We also like moonlit walks. My husband fills my love tank regularly with hugs and kisses. I ask for a hug if I feel that I need one. I don’t expect him to read my mind. It’s even better when I don’t have to ask! Love does not read minds ! Ask ! Check out your assumptions about what is really going on in the relationship. Give your spouse a love offering of service on February 14th. Offer to help with cleaning up the house, the pick-up, the garage, the barn…whatever it takes to convey your willingness to help and serve the other person. Fulfill the expectations on the “Honey D0” list, attached to the fridge , the one with all the odd jobs that need completion. Try some new things for fun as a couple. If young kids are cramping your freedom to be alone, ask the neighbours or church friends to baby-sit for you as their gift to the family. We’ve been blessed by caring for triplets and a pre-schooler on a regular basis this winter. Children are a delight, and we remember the need for some couple time ! Managing the herd in your house means being intentional about loving one another, finding out the way your children and spouse like to be loved. The kids will notice when mom and dad are smooching in the kitchen, and it’s a good thing to witness firsthand. Being deeply loved makes us feel like we are living life to the full. Jesus said in John 10:10 … “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” My desire for all farm couples is that they will feel full of love in their marriages. If the love tank requires re-fueling, pay attention to it! Wipe away blame, excuses, and past history, start fresh this Valentines by giving what your spouse needs the most from you… You. I mean eyeball to eyeball, fully present in the moment, embracing the other, ready to listen, laugh, pray, and share being together. Isn’t being deeply loved by your spouse , and God what life to the full is really all about ? This Valentines I’ll be re-reading the love letter I received for Christmas…if I can only remember where I tucked it ! Blessings to you in your marriage. Celebrate daily ! Elaine Froese is a catalyst for creative change. Call 1-866-848-8311 or visit www.elainefroese.com She would love to hear or read your love story ! Go to www.themarriagecourse.ca to learn more about the Marriage Course, Elaine Young is the contact person. |
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