What makes a workaholic?

Sometimes the overwhelming demands of farming cause the entire body to slump at the kitchen table. Worn hands stroke graying hair and the eyes are reddened and glassy. Farming is one of those businesses where you live at your workplace. There is no line between work and home. It seems that work is always just out the back door. Working too much is killing farmers and their families.

People with a work addiction see their jobs “as an escape, and find it difficult to be emotionally present to their families,” says Dr. Bryan Robinson.

Robinson has authored a fascinating book called CHAINED TO THE DESK, subtitled A guidebook for workaholics, their partners and children, and the clinicians who treat them. Many farm families push really hard in calving season, seeding, haying and harvest ... but the healthy families take time to renew, rest and recreate and have fun. Workaholics follow self imposed demands, can’t regulate their work habits, and just don’t know how to have fun with their family, because they work too much.

Farm men tend to wake up one day in their late 50s and realize that they haven’t really developed any hobbies. They know how to work, but as the markers for retirement (whatever that means) approach, they wake up knowing that work consumes them, and they have forgotten to have fun with their families.

Work addiction “masquerades as a positive addiction,” says Robinson. The hard-working farmer is praised for always being in the field at sunrise, and working 16-hour days. He’s deemed “a really hard-working guy” who provides for his family. Did anyone ask the family members if Dad was present for special parties, Sunday afternoon fun or a child’s hockey game?

Men and women alike need to assess if they have supports built into their family habits to prevent workaholism from taking root. Here’s Robinson’s Reality Check:

The source of work addiction is inside us. Workaholics are not team players, they need to control, and can’t delegate. Dad’s inability to let go and always work is his choice.
Workaholics create stress and burnout for themselves and fellow workers. You may have clear boundaries about taking time off, or having breaks, but someone else on your farm is pushing you to keep going, when taking a rest would actually increase everyone’s productivity.
Workaholics operate from a Messiah Myth that says they have to do it all and save the company. They believe the myth that they’re superheroes, wedded to their farms. They actually have poor self-worth and difficulty with intimacy, and they fear loss of control.
Workaholics overextend themselves to fill an inner void, to medicate emotional pain, and to repress a range of emotions. They tend to work just for the sake of working. If your loved one can’t turn off the cell phone, or live with checking the e-mail just twice a day, technology is helping the addiction.
The release of adrenaline creates physiological changes that lead to a “work high” that becomes addictive. I wonder if this is the “High of Harvest” which is followed by weeks of needing deep rest when the rush is over.
You don’t need a job to qualify as having a work addiction. Maybe you’re a careaholic. You’re burning out as caregiver of others, and meeting the needs of others without taking care of yourself.
Workers who live balanced lives are more efficient and productive. They bring greater quality to the job because they are less stressed and have clearer minds.

Recovery requires some deep processing of the source of the pain coming from the inside of the person. Boundaries need to be set and time needs to be managed. Work has to lighten up and play taken more seriously. Are you trying to fill a void of loneliness that has its roots in your childhood experience?

“Remove all hurriedness from your life,” was the advice of one mentor. Workaholics are always in a rush and hyper-busy according to Robinson. Control is the name of the game. Nothing is ever perfect. “If you want it done right, do it yourself” is their motto.

Farm family relationships crumble when pressed overtime by grumpy farmers addicted to work. Work is done in binges, not researched properly, and sometimes impractical.

Workaholics think they’re only as good as their last project as their self-esteem tanks are running on empty. Performance is how they measure their worth.

“I’m so busy taking care of my family’s needs, I have no time to take care of myself!” Ouch! That’s a prescription for poor health.

“The best predictor of a positive approach to work is a full life outside of work,” says Robinson. For farm families that means taking time each day to find a healthy pace, and anticipate fun and fellowship away from the fencelines.

Ask yourself these questions:

I do a lot of ... ? Because it makes me feel ... ? And helps hide my fear of ... ? The source of my belief comes from...?

Dr. Val Farmer says “workaholic farmers are lazy at relationships”. Read CHAINED TO THE DESK and discover ways to support your family’s healing from work addiction. Your family needs you to be present and to celebrate with them. Your farm business will thrive when the manager lives a balanced life. Retirement will not be a dirty word when you’ve intentionally taken time out to create hobbies and have fun!

Find out more on the web by doing a search for the Workaholics Anonymous World Service Organization.

Elaine Froese is a Farm Family Coach and speaker who writes from the farm near Boissevain, Man. Contact her toll-free at 1-866-534-6846 or by e-mail at elaine@elainefroese.com

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