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Get unstuck Here’s a point-blank question: How come, if a tractor or combine is stuck, it’s fine to go and get help, yet when a farm family is stuck and doesn’t know how to transfer a farm, deal with stress or solve financial problems, the family refuses to ask for help?
The year 1999 will likely be remembered as the year of getting stuck, but obviously this column isn’t about tractors. It’s about getting your farm family moving towards transferring the farm. As you know, the average age of farmers is getting older and billions of dollars worth of farmland will change hands in the next 10 years. I keep pondering, “Why are so many farm families stuck with a farm and unable to move on to the transfer process?”
Planning for farm transfers isn’t happening because there’s no successor, says Doug Duff, who works with Alberta Agriculture in Olds. Duff sees a widening age gap between those leaving farming and those coming in. He’s meeting model farmers who say they really don’t know if they should encourage their kids to come home. Did anyone ask the children what they want?
Farmlife (September 1999, page 2) gives a three-step process of talking, writing and implementing as a way to start talking. What are the main reasons you’re stuck and not asking for what you want to happen on your farm?
- Don’t know. Suppose you just don’t know all the options available. Well, call your local agricultural office to get started. Read Grainews and Country Guide. “There’s no lack of resources out there to help families,” Duff emphasizes. Alberta/Saskatchewan farm succession planning information is at www.agr.gov.sk.ca/aims. Manitoba has Managing the Present, Planning the Future for families, and a family farm business adviser manual for farm families and their professional advisers.*
- Limiting or inaccurate beliefs. There’s an old saying, “Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it.” Unhealthy home life experiences may make you feel that asking for what you want is just too risky. It’s time to set those feelings aside, or behind you, and start building a happier life.
- Fear. The family farm is a family entwined with a business. There’s fear of rejection, of looking stupid, of being vulnerable or powerless and fear of humiliation or punishment (if violence is part of your story). Fear that a spouse will leave and fear of owing each other forever can also keep you stuck right where you are. And of course, there’s the fear of paying a lot of taxes when you sell out.**
- Low self-esteem. Do you avoid talking about transferring the farm because you feel you’re unworthy of love, happiness and fulfilment? You just don’t feel adequate to face your fears and create the kind of life you want? You are worth it. If farming isn’t paying for you, then maybe it’s time to sell. There is life after farming, often a very good one.
- Pride. Many of us, especially men, get stuck in our pride (The Aladdin Factor by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, Berkley Books, 1995). “We are supposed to figure it out by ourselves.” No family farm that has seen many generations labour with love is easily transferred to a stranger, but selling the farm doesn’t mean you’ve failed your great grandfather. He’s dead. You need to live your life alive with meaning and fulfilment. Remember, if you sell the farm and invest the money wisely, you and your family could enjoy life, have a new career, travel and so on. So how do you start asking for help? How do you conquer fears?
There are several things you can do:
- Realize that you create all your fears. Check out your doubts and fantasies. Imagine transferring the farm, with everyone talking, listening and treating each other respectfully. Maybe everyone had fears, but just needed someone to start talking. You could be the one.
- What’s the worst/best thing that could happen? Could you survive it? So, if you sell your farm for $500,000 and pay $60,000 in taxes, is that so bad? Most tax consultants would say that’s not bad.
- Talk positively to yourself. Ask God for help. Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” (NIV) Sometimes we don’t get what we want when we want it, but things seem to work out. God seldom gives us more than we can handle.
- Just do it! Read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers (1987).
- Build up to the big stuff slowly. “Each day, do a little more asking,” recommends Canfield. His book The Aladdin Factor gives many practical insights to learning how to ask for what you want and need. Transfer those ideas to your farm family.
- Don’t take “no” personally. Learn to reframe the meaning of rejection by making it the next step to a new possibility. Often a no forces us to look at other ways of doing things, which can work.
- It’s a numbers game, according to Canfield and Hansen. You’ll usually get all or most of what you ask for if you keep trying and working towards a goal. Keep working on getting unstuck.
I know a farm family transfer can be a good experience if everyone is willing to ask for what he or she wants or needs out of the deal. I also know the frustration of families who are stuck by members who are unwilling to talk.
Find the chains of desire for change in your family, anchor them well with good faith and pull in the same direction, smoothly and steadily. Ask and you will receive.
Elaine Froese farms near Boissevain, Man. She encourages you to read The Aladdin Factor and get your farm unstuck! You can contact her toll-free at 1-866-534-6846 or by e-mail at elaine@elainefroese.com
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